Still can’t find a man? Sorry, but it’s all your own silly fault

Recently, I was talking to a male friend about a woman he’d met online. They’d exchanged pictures, emails, text messages, and had even spoken on the phone before meeting up.

It was all going so well that he had high hopes that she could be the one he’d settle down with. Until, that is, he met her.

In her dating profile, she’d said she was eight stone and a size 8. When she’d arrived it was immediately obvious she was a good two stone heavier and a few dress sizes larger.

As he recounted his experiences, I rolled my eyes in despair. What did she think – that her sparkling personality would take away from the fact she’d lied about her weight? Had she believed that he would be so bowled over by the colour of her eyes he wouldn’t notice her waistline?

She probably thought if he liked her, he should just accept her as she is and not be concerned about her size.

Well, she needs a reality check.

If I’d known this woman, I would have taken her by her shoulders and shaken some sense into her. It’s not that, at a size 14, she is overweight or an unacceptable size; the problem is that she was dishonest. She’s sold herself as a size 8.

He probably wouldn’t have met her if he’d know the true size she was, and it’s his call to decide if he’d prefer to date skinny women or women who are more of an average shape. He came away from the date feeling bemused and slightly irritated, and she no doubt went home feeling crushed and rejected.

Trust me, there are plenty of men out there who would love nothing more than to date a woman who is a size 14, so why did she choose a man who didn’t feel that way from the outset?

This woman is far from alone. On both sides of the Atlantic, women are making the most terrible mistakes when they date, whether that is via the internet, via blind dates or simply meeting men as they go about their lives.

Their attitude to things like blind dates, or dating online, is usually: ‘I don’t know why I’m doing this.’

Whenever I hear a woman tell me she’s been dating for more than two years without meeting someone suitable, my first thought is: ‘What are you doing wrong?’

There is no doubt in my mind that if you’re still single after two years of dating, then the blame should be placed squarely at your feet.

I have been on more than 2,000 dates as part of my research for two books, and now I’m launching a dating website aimed at introducing men and women from Britain and the U.S. to each other.

For years, people have come to me with their dating problems and I’ve seen the same issues over and over again.

Usually, women condemn themselves to bad dating experiences from the outset, particularly if they are dating after a long-term relationship.

Their attitude to things like blind dates, or dating online, is usually: ‘I don’t know why I’m doing this.’

Well, let’s get one thing clear, you’re doing it because you’re single and you want to meet someone, which is a perfectly acceptable – for you and your date. No need to apologise.

Dating online: Rochelle Peachey advises changing your profile and pictures every few months

A particular issue for women who date online is what they put in their profile. It’s often too negative and full of ‘I’ve just broken up from a long-term relationship and am lonely’ (why, I ask, would anyone want to go out with you?). Be positive, keep upbeat and change your profile and pictures every few months.

Whatever you do, don’t lie about your age or your appearance.

While one can maybe accept a few years here or a few pounds there, I’ve heard of women pushing their age down by a decade and their weight down by a stone, and filling their profile with pictures taken eons earlier.

It doesn’t matter if you can make him fall off his chair with laughter, he won’t forget the fact you’ve lied.

This negativity often continues on dates, particularly for those women who are not over their ex-partner. I have one piece of advice for such women – get over him, or don’t date. If you want to spend an evening talking about your ex, do that with your friends, not someone you are dating.

One school of women feel so positive about themselves they end up with a huge checklist of things they ‘must have’

Then there are the many women who spend their first date moaning about their lives. My advice is, if your life is horrible, dreary and miserable, then stay at home until you summon up the courage to go out with a positive attitude.

We all know there are times where we can’t believe anyone else has every felt such despair, or loneliness as we do, but trust me, they have. And sharing such thoughts is what your friends are for, not your dates.

By the same degree, there is another school of women who feel so positive about themselves they end up with a huge checklist of things they ‘must have’ and quiz their date as though he were a candidate for a job interview.

One man told me he’d been asked what car he drove, what his postcode was and how much he’d paid in income tax the previous year!

The problem with that woman, and others like her, is that she has no idea of her own league, and sees herself as being a far better catch than she actually is. As a result, she lets perfectly nice people pass her by.

Women like this should take a good, long, hard look at themselves, and what they have to offer. Chances are, even if they do have a pretty face, they are basically just a nice, ordinary person.

Their notion that they must date some superman is flawed, and in bypassing nice, ordinary men because they don’t tick certain boxes, they are setting their sights too high.

Speed dating: Don’t ask why you’re making the most of every opportunity … you’re single and you want to meet someone

Women even make mistakes once they’ve found a man they really like and have started a relationship. Often, they become obsessive and the man feels not that he’s got a delightful new girlfriend, but a stalker.

I know of one woman who buys fake diamond earrings, and then proceeds to accidentally leave one of them at the man in question’s flat, simply so that if he doesn’t call, she has an excuse to call him, go around to his flat and attempt to win him over. She has worked her way through dozens of pairs of earrings, and is still single.

WHO KNEW?

Fifteen per cent of couples met online, according to a YouGov poll

The final faux pas that quickly ends a woman’s chances of finding lasting love is to do with keeping her options open, a particular crime committed by those dating online.

There are vast numbers of women who keep their profile active, just in case.

They can’t resist the temptation to check for winks and nods from new men, and end up feeling that there might be something better out there. Once you’ve met someone, it’s important to settle down and give the relationship a chance.

With these things in mind, any woman should be able to find love in less than two years.

Rochelle’s dating website to introduce Brits and Americans is www.iloveyouraccent.com

I love your accent